Sunday, June 05, 2005

My normal little girl

My normal little girl
Originally uploaded by fireater.
Well the last of the High Dose Methotrexate, HDM, infusions are done and it went really well. No major side effects this time. The normal chemo brain fog for 24 hours but no fuzzy bunnies or visions of Trogdor the burninator or anything like that... and yes, that is a very good thing indeed.

Since she's been so relatively normal, we've been really pushing the boundaries and venturing out of our little germ-free world. Yesterday we went to JAX, an outdoor store here in town, to buy her a butterfly net. The store was incredibly crowded and she was touching every single net and other toy in the kids section but I wasn't too worried. That was really nice not to be worried so much.

Abby's been running more, playing better, and talking constantly in her little mouse pitched sing songy voice... I'll have to find a way to put a clip of it on the web for you all to hear, pretty cute. It's great to see her like this again and at the same time it is a bitter sweet feeling since she is on the eve of DI. We really are enjoying this phase since Abby is so much more like herself, but at the same time we don't want it to end. I find myself thinking back to that first month and all that it entailed. Grumpy Abby demanding food and then not wanting to eat it, then trying to eat it and crying. And then 5 minutes later she eating 4 adult sized portions of pasta. Little Abby's cheeks getting all puffy and hair falling out every time you run your fingers through it. The fact that she couldn't walk and would just shuffle around on her knees. But most of the time she just sat on the couch, that tiny little girl of mine, looking so small in her little semi permanent place at end of the couch. Ya, I don't miss those days.

To be honest visions of those days are still just below the surface a lot of the time. I don't think that I can express to you how much I don't want to go back to those bleak days. Yes, you got me, this strong man is a bit scared. Scared of what is to come in the next round. I'll have a little education day about the next round soon so that you can be scared with me... no, don't be scared, I'll try not to be either. I really do have a lot of hope that it will be different than last time. We know a bit more of what it will be like and that is a good thing. We have a bigger place with a yard and it is the summer, how can anything be too bad in the summer!? We have a small cache of bunny mac and cheese, so we should be set.

I'll try to scan in the "road map" for DI soon so you all can be on track with us.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't be scared Schreiber baby. It'll be ok. I'll be praying specifically that Abby stays more her beautiful normal self without the moodiness and without the sad slow days through this phase. And yeah, her little voice is SO way cute :) Tell her to name any of the butterflies she catches...
Stay strong Schreibers! We're praying!