Saturday, February 19, 2005

Lately we have just been tired. We get up in the morning have maybe a half an hour before Anna starts to tell the world that it is time to get up, usually around 6:30. Abby gets woken up since they are in the same room and so I either move her to our room or just let her get woken up by Anna.... Then it starts, we get them up, or I leave for work and Tiffany gets them up, and the day gets going. Meds, meals, naps, germ-a-phobic hand washing, play times and the like all day long. For awhile there, when Anna was also on meds for RSV, bedtime seem more like medtime. I'm glad she is off of those! Currently we give Abby an antinausea med at 6pm, clean her mouth, rub Nystatin in it too, then no food or milk, at 7 she gets her Ara C via her Broviac tube, (clean the access cap, 3ml saline, Ara C, 3ml saline, then 1.5 of Heprin) then the 6-MP crushed up and put in chocolate syrup, and then get her to drink lots of water with it while we read a story. Somewhere during the day we clean her Broviac site where it enters her skin so she doesn't get another staph infection. And then to bed, lately we've been putting her down in our bed with towels over our comforter and a bowl just encase the nausea matures and decides to exit via her mouth. By 8pm we usually get to sit down, contemplate the day and try to rest a bit before it all starts again tomorrow.

<>In the midst of this I did have some energy so I went running; only my second run since this whole thing started, and man was I tired. I thought I'd just do a little jog to relieve some of this pent up stress and get out in nature, so I drove to the west edge of town to run around the foothills. There are some really nice trails that roll up and down along the bottom of the hills there, a great place to jog, think and pray. I got out of the car, stretched and started up the dirt trail. It was getting late enough that the sun was starting to get low in the sky. As I got closer to the steep hill ahead the sun started to disappear behind it and I was left in the shadow. This frustrated me a bit because all the joggers that were running below on the road were still in the sun yet I was stuck in the shadow of this big hill. Their road was flatter, sunnier and probably much more enjoyable than the one that I had picked. But nonetheless, I continued on my trail.

As I continued running my normal loop I realized how poorly in shape my body was too. I was soooo tired, the trail looked way too long and I didn't think I was going to be able to even make the run back down the trail. I decided to listen to the complaints of my feet and knees and turn around. So I did, I turned around to jog back down the trail. About this point is when I got my second wind, maybe it was knowledge that I was more than half way done, or a flat part of the trail but I felt great. I thought about how tired I get at home, how tired Tiffany can be and especially Abby. As I ran, I finally got back to the sunny part of the trail and the warmth of the sun felt great.

It's been pretty easy for Tiffany and I to feel run-down lately. We also feel a bit like hermits. We don't want to be hermits but after the day we are just spent. Often, I look down off this hill that we are on and see all the people running their flat routes in the sun and just wish that was me. But it's not, and actually I think I'd rather be right where we are. I like our path, I like the rolling hills, the big rocks along the trail, all that stuff. Sometimes wish that it was sunnier and that I was in better shape for it but the more I run it the better shape I'll be in right. Really I like the run though, sometimes it’s tiring, but it also can be so beautiful, so peaceful and good.

So that's were I'll leave you.... I'm going to bed

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