Monday, April 25, 2005

landslide of sorts

landslide of sorts

From 4/11/05 (we don't have the Internet at home anymore:-()

I have so many things that I want to write about that it seems a bit
daunting... I guess I'll just write in my random style and see what comes

Right now I'm listening to "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac. I don't think I
can vocalize why this song strikes me so much, it definitely isn't Stevie
Knicks voice, but it does. Old home video style footage that was never
taken of Abby plays in my head as the song moves on.

"I took my love and I took it down,

I climbed a mountain and I turned around,

and I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills

and the landslide brought me down.

Oh mirror in the sky what is love

can the child within my heart rise above,

can I sail through the changin' ocean tides,

can I handle the seasons of my life... mm mmm I don't know...

We'll I've been afraid of changing

cuz I built my life around you,

but times makes you bolder,

children get older and I'm getting older too."

Just a song that plays lots of video in my head when I hear it. So many fun
times that we are and have had with our little girls... yet I am afraid of
changing, and often those "ocean tides" have quite the undertow. Lately
it's been a lot better, so good that I sometimes forget that she is sick.
Almost like a day at the beach, the thing that is hard to explain is that I
used to just send her down to the metaphoric waves and I sat back; and while
still watching her, I enjoyed the sun. Now, even though it may look similar
from the outside, it is a lot different. Now I tend to still sit back and
watch her play in the proverbial waves of life, but instead of sitting back
to enjoy the sun, I'm sitting on the shore looking out past Abby to see if
or when the big set will break over her. When the Mega-Tsunami, as my
brother-in-law says, will come crashing to shore. Actually, I don't even
think that it is the Mega-Tsunamis that I'm really concerned with, it is
more just those waves sneak up to shore, looking just like a small wave yet
cresting out to a 10-footer when it breaks.

So that's me, and probably Tiffany to a large degree too. I think this
month it is really setting in that our daughter isn't just sick with a long
cold of sorts, but instead has a disease that has some real side-effects. I
know it may sound silly that it takes us so long to really internalize it
but for some reason it has.

And even though it has been a draining journey, we are very hopeful. The
treatment waves have been relatively small, and the waves of support from
all of you have been oh so large and constant. Thank you all so much for
being part of this journey with us, I don't know how people would do it with
out friends and family like all of you! We sure do appreciate all of you!
Thanks again!

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