Thursday, November 19, 2015
Can't believe shes doing it again
Overall Abby is doing ok. She's sore and nauseous and it's only going to get worse on those fronts. We went over the treatment roadmap last night with the doctors. She handed us sheet after sheet of chemo drugs printed out with names and side effects listed for each. She told us what the 1st block (cycle) of treatment would be for this month and it's pretty intense. She is on a relapse protocol that has had good results in the past. It has some new chemo drugs in it and a lot of the old ones that we know about all to well. The goal is to get her into remission by the end of this cycle, test, and then we can decide where to go from there.
The reality of how much we may be at the hospital, and how sick Abby might be, hit me like a truck last night. It's a hard place to be. I so long for a nicer set of drugs that can cure these cancers but we don't have those yet. Chemo feels a lot like using leeches, or maybe a gun, to get rid of an infection on your leg. It's a really hard thing as a dad to stand by and let someone "heal" your daughter in this way. I guess this is why people tore their clothes so much in the old testament writings.
So, I'm overwhelmed, Abby is sad, we are all tired. We will all hit the wall at some point. And, at that moment we have a choice, either get bitter and mad or rest in our faith in God's plan for our lives. Fortunately and unfortunately, we don't have the choice to insulate ourselves from the harder realities of this world any longer.
To live means you also die. To really smile you must also cry. Pray that we will all rest in a peace that is not our own.