Abby is still home and that's been nice. Actually last week, though we drove dailiy to the clinic, 1.5 hours each way, wasn't as bad as we thought. Abby tolerated the medicine pretty well and we enjoyed having here home in the evenings. It takes about a week for the medicine to fully work: drop your blood counts, give mouth sores, digestive issues, and kill the bad cancer cells too. So, that's where she is now, at the bottom.
It's a tough place, the bottom. It's tough on her physical of course but emotionally too. She cries a lot about her sore everything and just wants it to go away. I just want to take it all away. But standing by her bed, rubbing her back is about all I can do for her right now. I want to take it away but I can't.
As a parent, this is one of the hardest tensions that I've ever encountered in life. What do you say to your crying little princess with cancer in a time like this? The answer is, 'nothing'. You say nothing and instead you cry with her. You rub her back and wipe her tears. You run your fingers through what's left of her hair and you pray words for her that she can't pray for herself.
At the beginning of this I wrote an email to some of our friends in Colorado. I said that this is the hardest thing we every had to do, twice. That's true. But, as my friend reminded me the other day, I often also say that I'm, 'just taking it one day at a time.' I think that is God's grace in this week too.
So, through the joy, the pain, the good days and bad, I'm just going to continue to fight for myself, my family, and especially Abby to just take it one day at a time.
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