I woke up today to the printout of Abby's counts with a big 520 for her ANC highlighted in yellow by our night nurse. So exciting. Right now, Mark is making his Saturday morning pancakes at home and Abby and I are talking about how next Saturday we should all be in the apartment eating pancakes together for the first time in a month! She is so ready to get out of here. They do a great job on the BMT floor but we are ready for no IV beeps, no vitals every four hours, and uninterrupted sleep, not to mention a change in scenery and food choices. I will miss the ladies who come through twice a day and clean the room. We will be doing that once a day at the apartment, which will most likely take us an hour each day.
But we are so thankful for the hospital and Brent's Place because without them we would be living in a hotel room for the next 2 months. We lived in two small Japanese hotel rooms for two weeks last August and we are pretty much over the excitement of hotels. Anna and Lily are excited to do city life again. Abby is excited to get out of the hospital but a little apprehensive about living with loud sisters again (she said to me last night). It is pretty quiet here in the hospital. An introvert like herself could get used to the solitude.... so it will be a bit of an adjustment there.
We are thinking of trying out a half and half schedule for now. Monday-Wednesday I will be with Anna and Lily in Ft. Collins, doing school, having playdates (theirs and mine), getting errands done, stuff like that. Mark will be in Denver with Abby working and helping take care of Abby and get her to her appointments. Oh yeah, and cleaning the apartment daily! Then either Wednesday afternoon or Thursday morning the littles and I will head to Denver and we'll be a family in the apartment until Sunday. That's the plan. It will probably all change in a week like things tend to do in our life since we told God we were up for whatever he had for us.
It isn't the change itself that I struggle with but the lack of control it brings. Change in the framework of what you have learned to expect is one thing. Change that comes out of nowhere (seemingly) and throws your world into chaos can be hard to take, day after day and week after week. But God keeps on reminding me he is with us in this and cares deeply. I don't know where I'd be in all of this without my relationship with him.
Yesterday, at home, I looked out at the bird feeder and saw a bird I have been trying to coax to our yard for years with no success. I have had the food in our feeder that this bird supposedly prefers for 5 years now. This year, I sent Mark to the bird store when we got back from Japan and he brought home something different. I wasn't sure I liked the change. I really want the bird to come to our yard and the food I get is supposed to do that, all the bird people say so. Yesterday, the very bird I've been trying to attract showed up! A beautiful goldfinch sat on the feeder, eating happily. The change was good, even needed. It wasn't what I thought was needed. But it brought something that made me smile and reminded me that God is bigger and he cares a great deal, more than I can comprehend. He cares about small birds, he cares about Abby, he cares about the Schreibers, he cares about all of us. Crazy.