Tiffany and I both feel like we are living in a dream. Part of it comes from the whole surreal feeling of having a kid with cancer, part of it the new life style that we live in and a big part is the realization that we really have no control in this life. Just different to get used to ya know? We start to get used to it a little bit and then something else pops up, like Abby's eye problem or thoughts about potential side effects of the chemo drugs like infertility for her and once again, back into this surreal dream state.
"Take my life" from the passion CD just came on as I write this, the chorus goes "Here am I all of me, Take my life it's all for thee." That's what I feel like has happened in all of this. I feel like I didn't really have much to give before this and if that is the case I really don't have much right now. Actually though, I have a lot more now because I'm not trying to control everything.
Another aspect of this dream state that we are in just came in to play as we are in the process of putting an offer on a house. Ya crazy I know, but what isn't really crazy about my life right now... so why not buy a house. No really, we weren't planning on this at all but through some very generous gifts towards the down payment from our family we are now in a position to get something. Crazy, we're getting a house. Last week we just went to look at rentals while my folks were here because the added stress of this small apartment was getting a bit tough. If you haven't ever seen our place, it's small, a shoe box really, 11.5 feet wide and about 30 feet long. At least is it 2 floors but still, a bit small to have to live in when you can't take your immune-compromised child out to public places. So, we're moving, buying a house and now living in a dream more than ever!
The real estate agent asked us if we were excited and we had to think about it for a minute because, like I said before, this all seems so far beyond us. And yes, we are excited but it also doesn't seem real, I mean we looked at rentals last Saturday, then houses on Sunday and some more this week. And then we found one yesterday 2 days ago and away we go! So, if it all works we'll get an accepted offer on a nice 3 bedroom ranch with an unfinished basement and a nice backyard for the girls to play around in. Now we can have people come over and we'll have space for them to sit!
We'll keep you posted!