Saturday, January 29, 2005
It's Saturday morning and I've had two full days of just hanging at home with the girls, Mark at work, and it's felt like a normal life somewhat. But of course what is normal anyway and I am learning that if I set my heart on a normal day or on any of my circumstances I am setting myself up for a fall. And that's good for me to learn. I have been in and out of anger at God and yielding of my heart to His plan. It's hard to swallow a lot of the circumstances of our life right now, like my little girl can't walk more than 5 or 6 steps this week without falling down, and still believe that God is good. But He is relentless in redefining my view of "good" and for that I am thankful. I have been broken and in that place He has shown me the things I hang onto instead of Him. Not because He is narcisistic (sp?) and has to have my allegiance, which has been my belief deep down until now- but because He loves me deeply and wants me to let go of the things that are keeping me from experiencing His amazing love and peace that transcends heartbreaking times. He wants me to know Him and be known by Him in a way that will pull me out of this self-focused place so I can experience truth and see my place in the big story He is writing. That has brought so much freedom (and at times frustration of course, it's not like I've got it all figured out) because I no longer have to make it all work, control, figure it out, whatever. I can let go.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that Abby is doing better this week. She has been cutting out valentines and coloring and talking in non-whining tones and not asking to just watch TV all the time. Her spirits are coming up and that makes me really happy. I feel like I have her heart back as we work on this trust thing between us. I know she's scared and confused at all that's going on but I sense she is adjusting and trusting Mark and I again to protect her as best we can. I'm sure it has rocked her little girl world to see that we can't majically protect her from all bad things. That's probably good for her, but it does break my heart some. It has been good to see her huge love for life starting to return.
On Monday we go in for the big bone marrow test and a spinal tap. No other chemo that day. They are letting her blood counts come back up and will start the next, less intensive phase of the treatment on the 8th.
To Frontier Academy Elementary school- your gift basket brought lots of tears to my eyes. I don't really know any of you but you lavished us with love and gifts and it was so touching, thank you. I am amazed by your generosity and thoughtfulness.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
That's it, hope you got the photo alblum... If you want to be on the list just email me, click in the right hand colum of the blog for the address.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
This meeting really made me value the human spirit; maybe some of these people came because they just wanted the motivation and support to reach their running goal, some for a trip to Alaska to run a race, some even for Abby, like my friends. I just think it is pretty cool that 30 people, in Fort Collins alone, would sit through an hour + long meeting, sign up, raise money for Leukemia, trains for months, and then run, bike or do a triathlon for a cure.
Well, on another note, Tiffany just called and said that she will need to take Abby back down to the doctor. The blood culture that they have been running since our Monday appointment came back positive for a blood infection. Abby isn’t extremely neutropenic, ANC at about 400 on Monday, but still is at high risk of her body not having enough to fight it off. They gave us the option to check her into the hospital since she will have to be on antibiotics for a while or set up a home care arrangement. Tiffany opted for the home care option so we’ll just hook the antibiotics up to her Broviac ever 6 hours it sounds like. Since Abby doesn’t have a fever, the infection is probably not to severe but it still needs to be taken care of course.
Man, I thought we were off of this roller coaster for a bit! Oh well… I’ll keep you posted but no new will probably mean good news.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Her counts are 1300 total White cells, 400 ANC, and the rest of it looks good too. She still is at risk of a fever/infection but not as low as she has been, that is a good sign that her bone marrow is starting work good again.
Well, I'm off to rest. Just wanted to let everyon know that things are A-OK.
The stress of this new lifestyle is really starting to wear on Tiffany and I. Lots of whining at home, crying, mostly from Abby, (but everyone has their share I'm sure) and stressful times of taking medicine or getting her Broviac site cleaned. Well, time for me to go.
Tell you all more later.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Hey, everyone is always asking if they can help and other than cleaning our house weekly, watching our kids so we can go out for a date, or lavishing us with lots of love and prayers I haven't had may good ideas. But now that I'm a bit more past the shock of the diagnosis and have been poking around online, I've found a big winner of an idea in my book!
There is a great organization called "Team In Training" that does sponsored races to help children with Leukemia. Way cool idea really, and the best part is there is an info meeting tommorrow night in Fort Collins! I might even go if I can get away for an hour. I think it would be really cool if any runners, bikers or triathatetes out there would want to race and at the same time help out kids like Abby. You can even run with a picture of Abby or another child with Leukemia who you are helping on your bib! Way cool, like I said.
So check it out! Abby is running a big long race, with lots of hills, and climbs. Wouldn't it be cool to run with a purpose? When you feel like you can't go on any more, or you can't finish the race, you can get inpiration from what you are running, biking, or walking for! You'll be able to identify with these kids a bit more and help them at the same time! I'd encourage EVERYONE to take a look at this site even if you are not an athlete of any type, it is very motivational!
Maybe I'll see some of you at runners roost tommorrow, I mean Tuesday Night!
Home page of Team in Training
Fort collins meeting Jan 25th Tuesday!
Here is an awesome video!