Sunday, November 06, 2005

Contrast

Sitting here staring at the fire, listening to a bit of George Winston Autum. This stuff always reminds me of living in our old house on Mulberry, where it was so noisy from the constant traffic that we played music all of the time. But the music helps me write and sometimes it's a bit hard to write down my thoughts about my family to a whole group of people that I may know or may not. Interesting stuff this public journaling. Maybe that's why I haven't written for a while. Ya sure, there has been a lot going on in life, but I don't think that is it really. Yes, we've all been sick since almost Abby's last pulse treatment, and yes that award did take over some of my minds thought capacity, but overall, I just don't think I've wanted to write. Both Tiffany and I have been very reflective lately. Reflective mostly about life and Abby.

You see, the end of October, or early November, was when Abby actually got Leukemia. Since it is a blood cancer, they can tell pretty well when the Leukemik cells started to appear and thus started to breed out the normal blood cells by the normal blood cells half life. I don't quite understand it, but it was within these 2 to 3 weeks a year ago. So, we go to the pumpkin patch and though I enjoyed it, in the back of my mind was this little voice saying, "she had it last year and you didn't know". Or saying, "she used to be normal last time we where here". I know weird thoughts but I guess it is just part of the process of greiving the loss of our old life, our cancer free life. A life where we all got to go to church on Sunday morning as a family, a life where we didn't have to worry about Abby getting sick from such a low immunity, just a more normal life really.

I know you all know it, but let me restate it. Life has been hard in the last 10 months for the Schreiber family. Lots of great things, don't get me wrong, but still hard. I think I'm comming to a place though where in a weird way I welcome Abby's cancer in our family because of all of the great things that it has also brought into our life. But just as often, and especially as we approach her diagnosis date, I think about how I'd rather trade all of the awards, money, and anything else that I could just to have my little cancer-free girl back from last year. But that's not how it is, and that's ok. What a joy she is. Maybe we'll pile up some leaves this afternoon and she can jump in them like last year. That will be fun and on perk is that any pictures that I take I'll be able to easily identify in the future since she still doesn't have much hair! What a cutie. Thanks again for checking in on Abby and the Schreiber family as a whole. Posted by Picasa

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm always amazed at how much life changes... and how much it stays the same. Hair or no hair, sickness or no sickness... her smile is still there. Thinking of all of you. Love, Julie

-chanel- said...

that blog was thoroughly reflective and i really enjoyed sitting and reading it...praying for you guys...

-chanel-