Thursday, November 19, 2015

Can't believe shes doing it again

I really don't want to post right now.  I'm sad and mad but mostly sad.  I can't believe we are doing this again.  I can't believe she is doing this again.  Almost 8 years after we took everything out and said goodbye we say hello and put it all back in.  I don't want to have to watch my little girl suffer again but that's the only option we have right now.

Overall Abby is doing ok.  She's sore and nauseous and it's only going to get worse on those fronts. We went over the treatment roadmap last night with the doctors.  She handed us sheet after sheet of chemo drugs printed out with names and side effects listed for each.  She told us what the 1st block (cycle) of treatment would be for this month and it's pretty intense.  She is on a relapse protocol that has had good results in the past.  It has some new chemo drugs in it and a lot of the old ones that we know about all to well. The goal is to get her into remission by the end of this cycle, test, and then we can decide where to go from there.

The reality of how much we may be at the hospital, and how sick Abby might be, hit me like a truck last night.  It's a hard place to be.  I so long for a nicer set of drugs that can cure these cancers but we don't have those yet.  Chemo feels a lot like using leeches, or maybe a gun, to get rid of an infection on your leg.  It's a really hard thing as a dad to stand by and let someone "heal" your daughter in this way.  I guess this is why people tore their clothes so much in the old testament writings.

So, I'm overwhelmed, Abby is sad, we are all tired.  We will all hit the wall at some point.  And, at that moment we have a choice, either get bitter and mad or rest in our faith in God's plan for our lives. Fortunately and unfortunately, we don't have the choice to insulate ourselves from the harder realities of this world any longer.

To live means you also die.  To really smile you must also cry.  Pray that we will all rest in a peace that is not our own.

Thanks.

12 comments:

Debi Yoshi said...

After reading your blog this morning the song "Good, Good Father" came to mind

Good Good Father - Housefires

oh and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching for answers only you can provide
'cause you know just what we need before we say a word

You're a good good father
It's who you are, It's who you are
Its who you are
And I'm love by you
It's who I am, It's who I am
It's who I am

Because you are perfect in all of you ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your way to us

Oh it's love so undeniable
I, I can hardly think as you call me
Deeper still, as you call me
Deeper still, as you call me
Deeper still, into love love love

You're a good good father
It's who you are, It's who you are
Its who you are
And I'm love by you
It's who I am, It's who I am
It's who I am

Because you are perfect in all of you ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your way to us

Praying for all of you to our good Father!

Debi

COVA Science Team said...

Surrounding you all with love, hope and prayers.

COVA Science Team said...

Surrounding you all with love, hope and prayers.

Nicole Sanchez said...

Marco & I read this, and our hearts broke for you. We've known you through the first journey around this mountain, and you're not alone through this round either. As a mother now, my heart breaks with you in a whole different way.

Father God, you know that the Schreiber family has been at this mountain before & they never wanted to do it again. Your heart breaks with them as a parent. Thank you for being with them through the hard parts & blessings of this journey. Bring them comfort in their hearts as they struggle with going through this battle again.

Give the doctors wisdom in their guidance of steps to take & medicines to try. Give them peace that overflows from your living well. May they live in your peace & see it everywhere.

Thank you for giving Mark & Tiffany the answers that their children need to hear, May they be the words you are saying Jesus.

Nicole Sanchez said...
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Amy Findley said...

I can't even imagine what you are going through. Especially Abby. So so so hard. :( The Turpins are praying praying praying for you guys!!!! We love you guys a lot and will fight in prayer with you guys against the enemies' lies and that darn cancer!!! We are here for you guys.

Linda Allsbury said...

Words are so small in the midst of this suffering. We love you and we will not cease in holding sweet Abby and all of you in our constant prayers. The battle is His and we claim that He will lift you from this pit of darkness very soon. Even our deep groanings He hears and understands as He carries you through this inconceivable space of time. And soon, but not soon enough, we will all see the miracle of Abby's complete restoration to the healthy, strong, carefree, joyfilled young lady He has brought her to be.

Linda Allsbury said...
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Linda Allsbury said...
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Linda Allsbury said...
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Danielle Scott said...

Praying ferverently for your whole family...for strength not only Abby as she is exposed to all the chemo, but also for you as parents to be her support and her rock and there for each other as well. Loving you guys from Salt Lake City.

Dani (Mahfood)

Mark Schreiber said...

Thanks all!! Thanks Debbie too!
Here is the link to the video and lyrics referenced here in the comment above. Thanks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0gwz_IDY7w